Thinking out loud

i went over to chatham today cuz there was a concert benefit for billy, jac's bf who died. her little bro aaron is in a band now and i got to hear him sing. worth a couple of laughs i must say. the second band i heard was much more to my liking (not heavy metal or whatever u call that shit nowadays) of course it was a bunch of old guys. i only ended up staying for a few hrs as im exhausted from working every day (more emotionally than physically) and honestly i cant spend more than three hours being the outsider, the old friend who doesn't know anybody. honestly i dont even know if i know myself anymore-or at least the person who i was before i came to college. these days i dont even know if ive improved as a person or gotten worse. i cant even think of the last time in two years that i felt like i had my head on straight. even writing that sentence sounds off is it grammatical? hell idk. maybe my sanity will come back to me when i move to carbondale, but this seems unlikely considering im usually more wired on stress there than here.