Lesson Learned

Now generally, most people would say that nothing is more important than taking a break out of your Saturday day to take your dogs to Petco for a quick picture with Santa Claus. It seems like a good idea, and really how long could it take? Five minutes, a half hour at the most probably. And the cards will be priceless.

WRONG!!

Try more like 45 minutes, which seems more like an eternity when you're dealing with a 10 month old Husky who thought he was going to the dog park, and sees no problem with vocalizing his desires to play with every dog in the vicinity (and somehow these whines are much louder because something Petco may not tell you is that their store has a tendency to echo 3x more than any typical building in the world). Then, finally you think you're done, when the weird photo lady snaps some awful pictures (in which your dogs look like they are in serious pain and may run directly into the camera at any given point). At this moment, you are told that it will be a half hour to an hour before your picture is available.

So, now you decide to just leave and come back. Approximately an hour and a half later you arrive only to wait several more minutes, while a girl picks out pictures on the computer for her $300 photo package. Finally you are told that you are actually in the wrong line because they have changed how the free photos work. You then have to tell the store clerk which dogs are yours, and point out your picture. To your frustration, you realize that half of one of your dogs is cut out of the picture, but even more upsetting, the white backdrop that was behind Santa has not been taken out. So while customers who purchase the $300 gift packages are very satisfied with the computer graphic background they are given in place of the "white screen", you dear friend are forced to accept that you spent two hours getting a picture that will inevitably end up in the trash can.

Lesson Learned: Next year have your significant other dress up like Santa Claus. Either that or get your portly step father to wear red and get him drunk enough to forget that he hates dogs and would love to have his picture taken with them. Not sure which one is more likely to happen. Something to try out before the world ends in 2012...

The Dragon Wakes Again

All things are possible and it seems that the sleeping giant otherwise known as Becca the Invincible, Becca the Enchanting, Becca the Quintessential Enthusiast for all things involving Health or Lack Thereof is awake and her fingers have a lot of typing to make up for...


Many will soon follow

Enchanting Woman Holds the World In Captive Mystery

Now We've Really Struck Gold

Notice to the Public: I would be willing to pay for any Shaman classes you're interested in taking so you can spiritually heal me already. Spread the word!

The Dream Job

I think I may have finally found the job I was meant to do my whole life. Too bad it's only part time...

Spiritual Healer Needed

It's been one of those weeks where my mind drifts to the snow white clouds and I wonder to myself where can I find an ancient shaman. You see, I have many ailments, and depending on the week or month can even have more ailments than my sister. I wonder how much it would cost to have a spiritual healer person come over to my apartment and perform some rituals to rid me of my excess pain. I think I would like him or her to kiss my achilles tendon and rub snake skin on it. Then they could pour some beetle juice down my throat and end by chanting some magical prayer. Do you think Craigslist has this? I bet it would work. The question is, though, how much would I have to pay and would I be able to videotape it so I could play it over and over again to the delight of my friends and family.

Yo, Debz, maybe we could get a two for one deal. What do you say?

Lady Refinement and Short Skirts

once again it's getting to be that time of year where women are able to sport the miniskirt. Considering that my wardrobe has not seriously been updated for about 7 years, I have quite the AE skirt collection. Now, I don't think that any of these would necessarily fit the way too short category, or for that matter even some the "miniskirt" category (I'm 5'2" I mean nothing really is going to be that short on me!). However, I am starting to ponder whether or not it is appropriate any longer for me to wear these articles of clothing. I'm not particularly upset by the way my thighs look or anything, I'm just beginning to think maybe 24 years old is too old for such attire. But, I really don't like short shorts and in a couple of months it will be too hot to wear the long shorts that hit me past the knee. My boyfriend's advice, naturally, is that I can never go wrong wearing a mini skirt. But, I don't really value his opinion that much! (I hope he's reading. In which case, I'm just kidding : )

Please vote and let me know. And if your vote is it's time to get rid of them, what is my short skirt replacement?

Boys can be Gymnasts Too!

Always rigid in my rigid stereotypes, I have always held the popular belief that women were more flexible than men. Of course, right, who in their right minds would ever think it could be the other way around!!!!! WELL, honey, I've got news for you!


In the last six months or so, I have been dare I say "introduced" to the gymnastics of males. No, I'm not talking about any nasty bedroom circus routines; I'm actually referring to kids too when I say males.

I think it started with an extremely unique 6th grade student, who the other kids at my school adoringly call "Starboy". (He himself, prefers to be called Coco, which is the nickname he created for himself, but the story of this and his homeland Cocostan may have to be reserved for another day). My interest in Starboy began when on the third day of school I turned around from writing on the board to find him completely under his desk balancing his body on one kneecap with the other leg arched out at about a 75 degree angle. Since then, he has amazed me with similar antics, my favorite one probably being a stunt at the last school dance where he managed to lower his legs down into the splits position, stopping just inches from the ground so that his mouth was at the right proximity to munch on a giant cupcake that he placed on the floor in front of him for such reason (really probably the funniest thing I have seen in my new adult life).

I could write "Starboy" off as one of those delightful freaks of nature, if it weren't for other recent unrelated events, such as another random 7th grader doing a cartwheel down the hall in his trek from room 801 to 802, or the tantillating observations I've made in the past two weeks while the gym students are forced to dance. I've been very impressed with the flexibility of these boys.

Ok, so some junior high students are minor league acrobats. Apparently, this is not a talent that some owners of the Y chromosome grow out of. I had never known my boyfriend, Mr. Ashley Bennett to be super acrobatic. However, since he's gotten the puppy and I've starting paying more attention to it than him, he's had to result in carrying out puppy-like maneuvers himself in a fetish attempt to regain my eye. The acts have included several somersaults, flips, off the wall jumps, and of course your standard stand on your head upside down move (don't think I've seen Ares do that trick yet).

I guess boys always had the skill, I just never had my eyes completely open to it. Let's remember, everyone, that boys can and are gymnasts too!

O-O Puppy Breath

So Ares Ino Bennett has finally come home, and I must say he is a cutie (during the day, at night he likes to do what all fresh from the farm puppies do and howl the whole night). Like the true dog whisperer, I brought out the mischief in him. He has been behaving a lot more hyper the last couple of days since I came over. However, also like the true dog whisperer, I have gotten him to stop crying so much (1. because I'm getting more energy out of him and 2. because the god of war is already growing up). I think the funniest thing that I've noticed so far was him crying today. I had assumed during the last couple of nights that he was super upset, tearing at the cage, etc. while he cried. But today I put him in there when I was trying to take a nap (I wonder why), and he was crying while he PLAYED!!! with his stuffed animal and rope. I mean this puppy is rolling all over the cage throwing his stuffed animal around and chewing on it like he's actually enjoying himself, and he's screaming bloody murder at the same time. Now I don't think I will feel so sorry for him next time, although I guess I should be glad that the terrible sound is muffled by the plush Rhino in his mouth.

Appropriate pictures will follow of my handsome dude once Ashley or Deborah finds my camera USB cord.

Fact of the Day

As every earthling may know if they've heard me talking recently, I am currently teaching To Kill A Mockingbird to my 8th grade students. There's a delicious scene in the book where a doggy has rabies, not the traditional violent rabies, but the dumb rabies (yes, there are two types according to my research). So this sparked a candid conversation with my students about the painful vaccinations that need to be administered multiple times if a humanoid happens to get bitten by a rabid animal. Apparently the shots are given through the (GET THIS) BELLY BUTTON. A couple of my students actually had to get this when they were little kids in Mexico (once again proving that America may be going downhill but at least we still legally mandate vaccination of pets [not sure if chimps applicable])

so while the biting bitter bitching cold of Chicago may be a bit too much at times, at least none of us got a shot through our belly button today. oh yeah and today was warm enough that i had one of deborah's beers on my porch. things are starting to look up!!


p.s. i'll give a chocolate heart to anyone who correctly guesses what famous author may have allegedly died of rabies

Oh Wow

I guess it did work, so there are no more excuses to generate. I will start my first real entry off with a joke:

This guy walks into a library, goes up to the counter and tells the librarian, "I want a bacon cheeseburger with pickles, fries, and an RC Cola."

The librarian replies, "Sir, this is a library."

The man apologizes, and then whispers, "I want a bacon cheeseburger with pickles, fries, and an RC Cola."

(This joke would be more effective if spoken instead of read so don't underestimate it's ability to make humans laugh.)

I'm Back?

After much attempt to change the hideously outdated blog name "Beccasexy" to the gloriously modern "The Becca Machine" apparently the fruits of my labor have been performed in vain...

And so I ask: Am I back?
Should I continue posting or start a new blog account or do nothing at all....


Answers will come eventually maybe