Things I've Learned in the Past Month

1. apparently you can get out of a speeding ticket by asking the officer to cut the dialogue and just give you the ticket already. also make sure to add in that you're in no mood to talk to anyone after spending the day with your mom and you're in no mood to come up with excuses for your driving

2. my roommate will fuck me if i buy him a bottle of absolut. one of my other roommates has volunteered to pay for the bottle of absolut.

3.you can still get lost (if your name is becca) taking a trip that you've done for 4 years. super excellent. (deb-mom just called me to apologize for cussing at me earlier today and used the phrase, "I hope you can ever forgive me for this")

4. everybody seems to think that deborah is an ugly name. i think we even got mom to finally agree on this one. i can tell right away that a relationship with a guy isn't going to work if they always calls me becca.

5. dont ever go to a tailor in carbondale. it will undoubtedly lead to some sort of incident that will leave you frightened and bewildered, and while these incidents generally lead to good stories, sometimes these carbondale tailors can cross the line by uncrossing their bras and nobody (well maybe luke) wants to deal with that.

6. a lot of shit has happened in springfield that I was completely in the dark about until this weekend. why mom doesn't tell me these stories instead of talking about all the yardwork she did that day and what type of cookie she baked i dont know. perhaps this is where i get my excellent story telling ability from (if not DEFINITELY gma perry)

-the whole city has gone smoke free which has caused a huge uproar. im very surprised at this one-never thought they'd actually get that passed

-the owner of china buffet got arrested for operating a slave ship. apparently all of those workers were actually illegal immigrants (shocking) and weren't getting paid for their work. he may have even beat some of the workers with a wet noodle (probably lo mein resembling). i am sad because this china buffet had the best fruit in town. their sushi left a little to be desired (seriously who eats raw fish off of a buffet) but the fruit was always good. apparently everyone in the world but me had already heard about the china buffet controversy (except my little friend at la bamba who pretends that he can't speak english and charges sandy extra for her nachos because she refuses to go on a date with him)

7. kimonos like ketchup

8. it hurts when a five year old kicks you in the shin

9. you can go to the doctor simply to get out of writing a paper and actually have the doctor discover you are sick. it's up to you to decide whether you actually buy the medicine or not.

10. i am fatter than mom was when she got married. i guess she didn't have the beer belly.